If a friend or someone you know has experienced violence she or he may experience a variety of emotional reactions. For some, the emotional impact of violence can be immediate and short-term. For others, the effects can be long-lasting. Your friend may find it helpful to talk to a counselor about these feelings.  You can also help your friend recover. 

Keep these tips in mind when talking with your friend:

• Listen. This is most important!
• Be non-judgmental. Don’t criticize your friend’s decisions or actions.
• Believe her or him. Survivors of violence need to validate their experience.
• Don't blame the survivor. No one deserves to be sexually assaulted, abused, or stalked, and it was not the survivor’s fault.
• Let the survivor control the situation. Offer options, but let the survivor make their own decisions. Don’t touch or hug them unless s/he says it’s OK.
• Don't be afraid to get outside help. Offer to help your friend report the violence to campus authorities if they have not already done so, but let it be their decision. Call for help if your friend is in immediate danger.
• Help your friend access resources. Don’t try to be their only source of support.  You might suggest they seek counseling, medical attention, or other resources, especially if they seem to be in distress.

Take Care of Yourself:

• Understand your own feelings. You may also feel confused, hurt, angry, or frightened. Such feelings are normal.
• Don't be afraid to ask for outside help. Talking with someone other than the survivor about your feelings may help you understand your own emotions and give you a clearer perspective on the situation. Counseling is available at the Wellness Center.
• Know and respect your own limits. There is only so much you can do to help your friend. You can provide support, compassion, and companionship when your friend wants it, but try not to make commitments that you can't fulfill.
• Remember that it was not your fault. You may feel guilty, thinking that somehow you could have prevented the violence your friend experienced.
• Realize that coping with sexual and gender violence is a long-term process.

SEXUAL ASSAULT

If a sexual assault has just occurred, respond to the survivor’s safety and medical needs:

• Find a safe place away from the assailant.
• Encourage the survivor to get medical attention at a hospital emergency room, but let it be the survivor’s decision. The hospital will treat injuries and test for STIs and pregnancy.  Evidence collection is most viable right away but can be done up to a week after the assault. 
• The survivor can decide later whether to press charges.

DOMESTIC/DATING VIOLENCE, STALKING 

• Let your friend know you are concerned about their safety. Let them know they deserve a healthy, non-violent relationship.
• Acknowledge that your friend is in a scary and possibly confusing situation. Understand that leaving a relationship is not always easy and doing so can be dangerous.
• Take your friend’s concerns seriously. Stalking is serious and dangerous. It is not a joke.