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Channel-surf your way through love and dating
Valentine's Day is about love, and as such, what better way to celebrate it than with America's staple of love: dating shows. This phenomenon of afternoon and early morning programming has recently exploded on network television. Attractive (or so they claim) singles go on dates/cruises/vacations while their every move is recorded. Their adventures are edited down to poignant lessons in love, relationships and - of all things - nipple rings. Here's a helping of 10 shows the Horizons team finds particularly fascinating. For your viewing pleasure, we have added the "sleaze-o-meter," a revolutionary new way of rating the shows and their, well, sleaziness.
"Rendez-View" UPN, weekdays at 1:30 p.m., 3:30 a.m.
"Rendez-View" is perhaps the most brilliant of all dating shows, proving once and for all that if there must be stupid people, we may as well put them on TV to make fun of them. The show features two insipid blind-daters barely worthy of "Street Smarts" and a panel of comedians who make fun of them mercilessly. It seems as if the daters are encouraged to act in the sleaziest, most pathetic manner possible, giving each other bad lap-dances and such. In watching this show, one learns the true value of stupidity in American culture, therefore building viewers' fragile egos. It also proves that even though some people believe their "boot-ay" is hot and they are worthy of dating the cream of the crop, they still have to go on TV and be ridiculed in order to get a date.
- Dave Spaulding
"Fifth Wheel"
UPN, weekdays at 2:30 p.m., 4:30 a.m.
If you're looking for a dating show that isn't too predictable or awkward, "Fifth Wheel" should be your choice. Four people meet, separate into couples, and talk about their relationships and personalities, only to be thrown into an imbalance when - surprise - a fifth person is added to the group. The conversations the contestants have are pretty realistic, and there isn't nearly as much annoying competition between the contestants as there usually is on dating shows. The contestants spice things up a bit when they meet up in the 15-minute room. Overall, less cheesiness and more reality make "Fifth Wheel" a pretty good dating show.
- Tina Sfondeles
"A Dating Story"
TLC, weekdays at noon
Much like the guy who wears a three-piece suit to a strip club, TLC's "A Dating Story" is the classiest member of a shady bunch. Each show begins with an extensive and tasteful exposition in which multiple pictures from each participant's childhood are shown, and their friends - and occasionally their parents - talk about how wonderful the participants are. The date itself is always an equally classy affair with the participants going to a relatively highbrow restaurant and another non-threatening place, such as a zoo. Almost uniformly, the shows conclude with the couple awkwardly bidding each other goodnight (kisses are optional, anything else is out of the question) and discussing how the other person seemed "nice" and they had "a good time."
- Ben Collins
"Temptation Island 2"
Fox, Thursdays at 8 p.m.
Temptation Island II promises to continue a reality TV legend. The season ends with a bang on Feb. 14. Four couples are separated and sent to opposite ends of an island, while a group of 16 singles attempts to break up the relationships. This past season included several twists, including one couple leaving the island to get married and, unlike the first installment of Temptation Island, almost every resident of the island cheating on his or her lover. Viewers of Temptation Island II can expect many dating show clichés, including slurred speech, unnecessary cleavage shots, superficiality and male chauvinism.
- Brian Sutherland
"Shipmates"
UPN, weekdays at
1 p.m., 3 a.m.
"What am I gonna do with you?" asks Maggie. "Anything you want," Darrell answers. From there it's just naked bodies, provocative dancing and body shots. The host declares "Shipmates" "the hottest show ever." The sleaziest, most predictable and most-fit-for-3 a.m.-viewing is more like it. Every week, two couples are followed on a three-day cruise where they look for love by feeding each other, putting oil on each other and licking each other. Will Maggie ever stop purring at Darrell? Will Darrell realize that all Maggie wants is a free three-day cruise? Is there love in the air? If you don't subscribe to cable and aren't able to watch Skinemax, "Shipmates" is the closest thing on network TV.
- Magda Walczak
"Elimidate"
WCIU, weekdays at 11 p.m., 11:30 p.m.
How do you compete with three other people going after the same person you want? If you're one of the contestants on WCIU's "Elimidate," there's obviously no wrong answer to that question. We learn quickly that there is no room for better judgment in a game that consists of three time-restricted rounds in which four equally-flawed contestants attempt to win the attention of - and hopefully a date with - the object of their collective affection. Maybe affection is too strong a word, because - although the contestants stop at almost nothing (including, but not limited to, dancing on table tops, alluding to the promise of possible sexual favors and relentlessly pointing out the shortcomings of the other contestants) to deceive a fellow twenty-something, acting-agency-reject into taking them on a date - the contestants seem more interested in being as extreme as possible in front of the camera than they do about the person they are trying to woo. My advice to anyone competing against four others for the affection of one person: Find someone who nobody else wants. But hey, I never had a competitive spirit anyway.
- Shetha Shukair
"Dismissed"
MTV, weekdays at 10 p.m.
All's fair in love and war on "Dismissed." On this MTV dating show, two people duke it out to win over their date. All three good-looking players spend the date together running around in bikinis or swim trunks, talking trash about their competitor and trying to out-do each other whenever possible. Each competitors has a 20-minute time-out card, which makes the other person leave. This is the time to win over the date, whether this involves massages, singing or making your move in a hot tub. As much fun as it may be to have two people fighting over you, one of them has to go. Here the loser is publicly rejected with those unavoidable words, "You are dismissed!"
- Joanna Krynski
"Blind Date"
UPN, weekdays at 6 p.m., 6:30 p.m
Watching "Blind Date" for the first time, I was unaware of what to expect. Having seen it though, I know that I will not be watching it again any time soon, unless I'm forced in front of a TV and the only other thing being broadcast around the world is a Creed concert. That said, let's get down to business. The "sleaze" factor. The show starts off with the host informing us that it is "Blind Date Las Vegas," so immediately there were two sleaze stars in my book. The show follows the dates of two couples (read: suckers) who offered nothing more than a few laughs at best. I was actually quite disappointed about the low sleaze factor until it came to the "Wall of Shame," in which a whole date was skipped just to get to a fight (five sleaze stars). I can deal with Las Vegas, but not with puerile fighting.
- Tim Horan
"Ebert and Roeper"
CBS, Saturdays at 10:35 p.m., Sundays at 10 p.m.
Sure, Ebert and Roeper may seem like a mere movie review show, but look closer and you'll find plenty of tantalizing sauce to dip your love buds into. Just try not to get suckered into the weekly lovers' quarrel between the two critics, as their flirtatious banter over Chris Kattan's "Corky Romano" simply delays their inevitable union. And make sure to have that ice pack ready when Ebert talks about the Buster Keaton DVD collection. Thumbs up?!! Thumbs down?!! Give me a cigarette!
- Piet Levy
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revised February 13, 2002 by
phoenix@luc.edu
URL: http://www.luc.edu/phoenix
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